I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for. Something outside of me. I have my own ideas. Good ideas. But for some reason, I have this deep sense of needing to find inspiration outside of myself. Why can't I trust in what I already possess? Why do I undercut myself? I know I have a fear of failing, but I'm not afraid of the risk. I guess more specifically I am afraid of making an ass of myself, but even Bambi slipped on the ice at first. You just have to try, then you'll skate like Thumper.
I take such joy in poring over these Paris blog sites I came across this week. I feel like I am peeking around every corner while on a walk in the Marais. I see so many parallels between the writing styles and interests of the bloggers and my own. I talk about being encouraged by these things, and yet I still feel like I need inspiration from somewhere else. It's like I'm looking for a winning gimmick. That one-liner that'll make 'em roll in the isles time and time again.
I guess a good analogy for how I'm feeling is when the DVD signal gets stuck and you see the characters in your favorite movie quivering in a pose just waiting for the disk to keep playing and get over itself. (The 21st century version of the record skipping I suppose)
Maybe it's guidance and support I need more than inspiration. I'm inspired enough for three people, I just need help turning my ideas into realities.
My obsessions with food and France have led me to this. It's not my fault.
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